Yesterday I received another round of chemo. This would be week 2 in my cycle. I honestly didn’t think I would actually wind of getting chemo but my numbers looked pretty good. I think the doctor and chemo nurses were really surprised that they were so good. My white blood cells and red blood cells were the same as last week and my platelets actually went up. How that happened I have no idea! My mom always says that God knows when I need chemo so I know that he helps those numbers move in the right direction. And maybe when I don’t get chemo because my numbers are too low he knows I need a rest so he allows them to drop. It is great to know that I have someone who knows just what my body needs. I am still waiting to see when my scans will be scheduled so we can see if the cancer is stable yet or hopefully gone! It would be nice to hear the words NED (no evidence of disease). When you are stage 4, remission is not the term used but instead NED is what we work towards.
My hair is starting to make its comeback. I have some longer peach fuzz that is pretty patchy and now I can feel new stubble growing. This is actually the second time I have lost my hair. Both times I never was actually totally bald. This time however my hair seemed to be thinner than last time. I am kinda worried that it may not come back as thick. It makes me wonder if perhaps each time you lose your hair, it doesn’t come in as much each time. This time I also found that my eyelashes and eyebrows have thinned too. I am hopeful that if I get to stop or cut back on the chemo my hair will grow in.
I do have to say that it has been nice to finally get some normalcy back into my life. I usually get chemo on Monday and Tuesday is usually my hard day. However by Wednesday I am back to “normal.” When I was on Affinitor, I was unable to take care of my house because I was so tired all the time. It really felt that I was going down hill health wise and that wasn’t the direction I wanted to go. While my numbers were dropping so too was my quality of life. The scary part was when John’s work took him off the schedule so he could take care of me, the kids, and the house. I knew that wasn’t a good sign at all. Then I ended up in the hospital. Talk about taking a long look at your life. Did I teach my kids everything they would need in the future, did I spend enough time with them? Of course that answer was NO! Now that the chemo is working and I am once again looking at normal CTC numbers and hopefully good results on my scans, I know I need to start fixing those things. I guess when things are going good, you forget about what having stage 4 means. Now that Abby and Jett are in school, I feel as if I don’t spend enough time with them. The weekends will become about the only time we have to spend that special time together that I know my kids will need with me.
One of those things we have decided to do is to take the kids to Disney World. Abby and Jett get a small fall break in October so we are going down for a small vacation. When John mentioned this trip in June I was quite surprised. The last time we went, John said we wouldn’t be going back for at least another 5 years. Of course we lived in St. Louis at the time so it was a big trip. Now that we live in Savannah it is only a 4 hour drive so going for a quick trip is possible. When we started planning, John said that one of his favorite memories were the outfits I made for the girls and how special they felt in them. They had so many people comment on their outfits and many of the Disney characters talked to them, pointed and waved to them from the parades, and made special comments on their outfits. John asked that if I felt up to it, could I make them some special outfits again. Of course how could I say no, I mean if a daddy remembers that being special for his daughters, I knew I could at least make a few easy outfits. When I started planning and looking for ideas, I had a hard time just picking one outfit. You guessed it, I started sewing like a madwomen. I now have an outfit for each day as well as princess dresses for breakfast with the princesses (we don’t yet have a reservation but are hoping that there will be a cancellation). I still have other things I want to sew but I don’t know just how much I will finish. I do have to say that being back at my sewing machine makes me feel happy and healthy again. The girls love trying on the outfits and I think they are getting really excited. Of course I will post pictures when they are all finished as well as pics of our trip.