Yesterday was the Race for the Cure in St. Louis. As I understand, this race is the biggest in the country. I went back and forth for a long time. On one hand I really wanted to run in the survivor’s procession and then run in the actual race. On the other hand I didn’t want to break down in front of all those people. It is very emotional to be around other survivors who know and understand exactly what you went through in your fight. The other very hard thing for me was to see all the “in memory” shirts. John says that when people mention someone who died of cancer I inhale very loudly. I don’t like to even think about people who didn’t make it because it reminds me that I am stage 4 and the stats for surviving aren’t great. In the end I decided it was still too raw and I didn’t think I could handle it yet. I told John I would revisit it next year and eventually I would participate. I think the first time I will do it with John and my kids and then if I think I can handle it I will invite family and friends. I did watch some of it on TV and I was an emotional mess! Since taking Tamoxifen I always joke that I am emotionally normal now. For those who don’t know me, I don’t show my emotions. I think John has seen me cry only a few times. Since being on Tamoxifen I have found that I now cry just as much as John does. (he has always been the emotional one in our family). Cancer really changes you!