Easter

I am very excited because Easter is almost here. I have been trying to sew the girls matching dresses with lots of ruffles!! I love that my girls will have one of a kind dresses. Of course I have to finish them first!! I promise I will post pictures of the girls all dressed up.
This year I am also excited because my aunt and uncle and cousin are coming to visit. (Actually they will be visiting their daughter- my cousin who lives in St. Charles- but I will get to see them too) I think the last time I saw them was when Abby was little. Seeing them means so much to me because I don’t know when I will get to see them again. Being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer makes your realize that when family you don’t see comes to visit, it means so much more!
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been really busy. I also haven’t wanted to write about this because this decision has been very hard. John and I have talked about it and he agrees with me completely. I have decided not to return to work. Okay I know what you are thinking, “Why is that a hard decision?” Let me explain. When we moved to St. Louis, I realized that I wasn’t going to get a job as a teacher. You either have to have done your student teaching in the area or know someone. Since neither applied to me, I decided to go back to school to get my Masters in Special Education. I was lucky enough to find a job as a permanent substitute teacher which got my foot in the door. So I went to school full time while working full time and raising a small child. I worked through my pregnancy with Abby and finished student teaching a week before I had Abby.  Then last year I was finally hired as a Special Education teacher!!! It was what I had worked so hard for. I loved my class last year and loved being a teacher even more. Then comes breast cancer. When John and I talked about what I wanted to do, I asked him if he could guarantee that my breast cancer  would not come back. Since neither he nor the doctors can make that promise, I don’t want to spend my precious time with someone else’s children when my children need me. I need to build those memories now because I am not guaranteed tomorrow. I want to hold my children close to me and raise them to be good Christian adults because only their mother can do that. John and I both agree that we don’t want to cheat them out of any time with their mommy. So while this decision seems like a no-brainer, right now when I am healthy it is hard not to want life to go back to normal. I do know that this decision will allow me to keep healthy (time to go exercise, time to cook healthy..) and will lessen the stress in my life.

As to why I have been busy, we have decided to sell our house and move closer to John’s work- O’Fallon, St. Charles area. I have been running around finding things to stage our house. Isn’t it funny how you only get your house looking nice when you want to sell it? With the decision not to go back to work, it doesn’t make sense to stay in this area. I am no longer tied to this area and John works out of the Chesterfield airport. He has always hated his 45 minute drive and recently it seems to have gotten worse. Also both of our families live on the Missouri side now. I would be able to hang out with my sister and cousin more often. My sister better watch out because she will be expected to work-out with me now!!! This is another easy but hard decision. I love the friends I have made here. They have stuck by me even when I didn’t have any hair or when I couldn’t finish a thought because of chemo brain. They love me because of the person I am on the inside not for how I look on the outside. It is funny, I have always heard you know who really cares about you as an individual or who your true friends are when you go through something like this and they go through it with you without batting an eye. Those are the people I want to spend my time with! I can say I am blessed with a few wonderful friends!  And while we aren’t moving far away, I know that I probably won’t see them as much as I do now. I find it very hard to make friends. If you know me at all, you know that I am shy, and reserved. Just think how hard it will be now that I still don’t have much hair and I am minus a breast!!

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12 thoughts on “Easter

  1. I can’t wait to see those dresses. My mom used to sew clothes for me, even barbie doll clothes. I loved them. I just wish she would of had the time to teach me to sew. It sounds like God has given you a pathway to follow.And you have been walking on the stepping stones to get there. And He always knows what is best. And children grow up way too fast so have fun watching them grow and also spending more time with your sister. And you never know you may even tell this story to your grandchildren. Only God knows.Praise God for all He has done for you.And Happy Easter to you and your family.

  2. I’m sure you and John have thought hard and prayed even harder to make the best decision for your family. While I’m not surprised, I am sad for the students you won’t impact! Your children are beyond fortunate to have you at home, and you are blessed to be with them daily. Love to you all! ~Janice

  3. I completely understand your choices, & your family is truly blessed. I will miss seeing you at work & the YMCA. Our schedules haven’t been completely synchronized, but I’ve admired you from afar–you working out in the Fitness Center (or watching your son play basketball) while I’ve walked the track; you watching your daughter’s swim lesson while I’ve been swimming, etc. Near or far, you will be in our thoughts & prayers. Wishing you & yours all of the best!

  4. Michelle,
    Thanks for the update! I am excited that you will live closer to Jennifer and your cousin. I understand your heart about teaching. I love teaching too. However, your decision is so wise. You will never regret time spent with your children.
    We sure wish we could hug you everyday, get to know you and John better and love on those kids. Dave and I will have to plan a trip your way.
    Happy Easter!!
    Love Uncle Dave and Aunt Kim

  5. Well it sounds like you have been thinking long and hard about this decision! One thing is for sure, if it is what God wants you to do, it will all work out! I know that my mom stayed home with my brother and I in those formative years and we truly benefited from it. You will love the time with your kids and see them blossom and grow. Maybe they can help you pack too! Hope you are enjoying some wonderful spring weather and have a wonderful Easter! Praise God for another holiday spent with family and friends!

  6. Michelle,
    We have grown to love you too. We can see what a wonderful person you are and what a beautiful soul you have by reading your postings. Our prayer group prays for you and your family often. Although we may not see each other much, you are in our thoughts and prayers. I hope you consider us friends also.

    Mike and Kate

  7. Shelly,
    I understand about not being able to make friends, that has been one of problems.
    You don’t have to worry about your outward appearance as long as you have the Love of Jesus shine through you and share how God has been with you through your trials and has had His healing arms around you through it.All of your family love you very much and suffered along with you in our hearts.
    May the Lord bless you in your decision making.

    Grandma

  8. Shelly,
    I know how you feel. That was one of problems too, being shy.
    Just don’t be mindful of your outward appearance, just let the love of Jesus shine through you, by letting others know how the Lord has been your strength and help through this trial. He has had His loving healing arms around you all along.
    ALL of your family love you very much and suffered in our hearts along with you.. God is good and He will be with you and your decision making if you trust Him.
    Love you much,

    Grandma

  9. Michelle,

    I enjoy our visits when we have the opportunity. Jaden still talks about his friend, Jett, and would like to see him again! Thank you for sharing your journey with me. I have learned a lot and I appreciate your courage to share your thoughts and feelings so freely.

    A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. I shared your recipes with her and hope they will help her!

    We continue to pray for you and your family daily. We believe in the power of prayer.

    Wishing you continued courage and strength.

    Valerie

    P.S. I’ll be a Missouri friend too!

  10. Michelle,

    I totally understand your decision. I was at home this past school year to be with my kids. I made the decision to take a part-time job to be with them more. I live in Kirkwood if you ever want to meet with the kids at the Magic House! I will still keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Happy Easter. I cannot wait to see those dresses!

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