I am very excited because Easter is almost here. I have been trying to sew the girls matching dresses with lots of ruffles!! I love that my girls will have one of a kind dresses. Of course I have to finish them first!! I promise I will post pictures of the girls all dressed up.
This year I am also excited because my aunt and uncle and cousin are coming to visit. (Actually they will be visiting their daughter- my cousin who lives in St. Charles- but I will get to see them too) I think the last time I saw them was when Abby was little. Seeing them means so much to me because I don’t know when I will get to see them again. Being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer makes your realize that when family you don’t see comes to visit, it means so much more!
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been really busy. I also haven’t wanted to write about this because this decision has been very hard. John and I have talked about it and he agrees with me completely. I have decided not to return to work. Okay I know what you are thinking, “Why is that a hard decision?” Let me explain. When we moved to St. Louis, I realized that I wasn’t going to get a job as a teacher. You either have to have done your student teaching in the area or know someone. Since neither applied to me, I decided to go back to school to get my Masters in Special Education. I was lucky enough to find a job as a permanent substitute teacher which got my foot in the door. So I went to school full time while working full time and raising a small child. I worked through my pregnancy with Abby and finished student teaching a week before I had Abby. Then last year I was finally hired as a Special Education teacher!!! It was what I had worked so hard for. I loved my class last year and loved being a teacher even more. Then comes breast cancer. When John and I talked about what I wanted to do, I asked him if he could guarantee that my breast cancer would not come back. Since neither he nor the doctors can make that promise, I don’t want to spend my precious time with someone else’s children when my children need me. I need to build those memories now because I am not guaranteed tomorrow. I want to hold my children close to me and raise them to be good Christian adults because only their mother can do that. John and I both agree that we don’t want to cheat them out of any time with their mommy. So while this decision seems like a no-brainer, right now when I am healthy it is hard not to want life to go back to normal. I do know that this decision will allow me to keep healthy (time to go exercise, time to cook healthy..) and will lessen the stress in my life.
As to why I have been busy, we have decided to sell our house and move closer to John’s work- O’Fallon, St. Charles area. I have been running around finding things to stage our house. Isn’t it funny how you only get your house looking nice when you want to sell it? With the decision not to go back to work, it doesn’t make sense to stay in this area. I am no longer tied to this area and John works out of the Chesterfield airport. He has always hated his 45 minute drive and recently it seems to have gotten worse. Also both of our families live on the Missouri side now. I would be able to hang out with my sister and cousin more often. My sister better watch out because she will be expected to work-out with me now!!! This is another easy but hard decision. I love the friends I have made here. They have stuck by me even when I didn’t have any hair or when I couldn’t finish a thought because of chemo brain. They love me because of the person I am on the inside not for how I look on the outside. It is funny, I have always heard you know who really cares about you as an individual or who your true friends are when you go through something like this and they go through it with you without batting an eye. Those are the people I want to spend my time with! I can say I am blessed with a few wonderful friends! And while we aren’t moving far away, I know that I probably won’t see them as much as I do now. I find it very hard to make friends. If you know me at all, you know that I am shy, and reserved. Just think how hard it will be now that I still don’t have much hair and I am minus a breast!!